Checking in! Day 1

Yesterday was a good day I feel like. I'm noticing that not all days are though. I got out of the house yesterday and even made myself clean up and vacuum after 4 pm!! I tend to prefer to get everything done in the morning so the fact I did it in the afternoon is a BIG step for me!

Rayven was invited to a birthday party yesterday. Honestly, my anxiety and all the thoughts constantly going through my head made me not want to attend. To give a couple examples of what my thoughts were:

1. Will there be people from school who give off mean girl vibes?

2. What happens if I'm stuck sitting by myself?

3. Is it worth the amount of energy it's going to take to go?

When I actually take the time to right them down, I can't help but think of how selfish all of my thoughts and worries were. They weren't based around what was best for Rayven at all. Makes me all the happier that I went. I did end up taking an anxiety pill to be able to leave. I'm making progress though. I've noticed it is way easier for me to give others the benefit of understanding, than it is give myself any grace.

I'm constantly thinking about what I said or did after a conversation. Wondering why I can't just be normal sometimes. Taking care of myself has always been on the back burner if I'm being honest. I'm constantly worrying about others' opinions of me and my choices. Trust me, I have made MANY poor choices. I think I just need to keep reminding myself that yes, I've made some poor choices. Especially in my younger years. That doesn't have to define me though. I can grow and change.

If I keep dwelling on the past, I'll never move forward. I need to move forward and think positive. If not for myself, then for my children. They deserve SO much better than what I went through.

Tell next time my lovelies,

XXOO