Mental Health

My dad and cousin within 18 months both took their lives. So mental health is really something I hope that EVERYONE knows it's okay to get help. It's okay to be on pills if you have a constant pit in your stomach that won't go away. It doesn't make you any less of a person. If anything, it means you know your worth. YOU are worth SO much more HERE. ALIVE. BREATHING. You matter.

My dad wasn't my or honestly many others favorite person. He was still my dad though. He showed up if I called. Yeah, he was probably asking for money or telling someone some made up story that made absolutely NO sense. He sang to me during the father daughter dance on my wedding night though. He was there when I asked him to come walk me down the aisle and you know what. That matters.

My cousin and I weren't all that close, but he was constantly checking in on our grandparents. Calling them and going to visit. He was just 23 years old. He hadn't even lived. He mattered. He made a difference. Maybe not to the whole world, but to our family and friends he did.

Weird story, I lived with my aunt for a short period of time right after high school. My cousin would always be playing with Legos when I lived there. During his funeral I was holding my aunt's hand and kid you did not found a small Lego on the ground. I'm sure it was just a coincidence, but it really felt like he was saying he was okay though.

As you can imagine my mental health is touch and go some days. I did recently get on some anxiety medicine and that is helping me out a lot. I have to be honest though. Some days it is VERY hard. Some days all I want to do is sit down and cry and throw myself a pity party of one.

You know what though? I still get up and do what needs to be done. I still get up and make sure that everyone has their 12545135 medications they need...... ok so that's an exaggeration... it feels like it sometimes though! I still manage Ryllar's diabetes, and Rexton's asthma. I still cook and clean the house. I don't have the option not to.

Other days I can get up and take on the day NO problem. With the warm weather coming and being able to go outside.... I just know the bad days are going to come less and less.

Goodnight my lovelies!

XXOO

Here is a picture Rexton drew me of an airplane last year!